Almost, Happily Ever After
By Mecca Donna
“And I was hoping there could one day be a chance for me to get the love that I've been missing. Sometimes love takes a long time. But wait for love. You're gonna get your chance to love.” This very lyric sums up the human condition perfectly. Is there a more avidly pursued feeling than love? Nothing says 'I love you' like 'will you marry me?' or “I do.” Love and marriage go hand in hand like lock and key. Love and marriage is the ultimate co-dependent relationship. Some would even say one is not fulfilled completely if the other is lacking. But for the Muslims marriage is easy to enter into...at least in theory. Modern day complications make what's supposed to be easy difficult and can leave a long trail of almost happily ever afters.
The most encouraged safe guard for us is the institute of marriage. The Most High has made entering into marriage extremely easy. The requirements are fair, lenient and easy to follow. However, even with this overwhelming ease there are so many young Muslims who remain single. The problem isn't that the interest is low. On the contrary young muslim men and women think about the opposite sex constantly. They set their sights on a potential husband or wife and just when they think they're on their way to happily ever after there's one glitch, the parents. Parents are objecting quickly and making the process a little more difficult by having unrealistic expectations, being overly cautious and displaying an unreasonable amount of distrust. Materialism and suspicion has taken the ease right out of courting. Every potential couple realizes that marriage is half of this deen and that marrying a person means also marrying into a family of people. I'm not saying parents don't have the right to mediate, give advice and be a protection for children in any terms. This is a given right, but there is a limit. Parents seem to be exceeding that boundary with their “special requirements.” For instance, to marry my daughter you must have: A Masters Degree in Physics, earn a minimum net salary of $300,000, pay her a $2 trillion dollar mahr (including our extravagant gifts), and of course you must have discovered the cure for Autism...and you can't be over the age of 30. Reality check. IF there was a man who fit these requirements trust me,Mom and Dad , he's NOT single. The other culprit is the parents' outright suspicion. Upon the first meeting the parents have you sitting across from them like a criminal on a witness stand. Giving you cold looks and subjecting you to a line of questions so intense that you forget your first name, not to mention that this was actually supposed to be pleasant and meaningful. In their defense, some of this distrust may come from the fact that they don't trust their child's judgment and may not be a personal indictment. Never the less it doesn't help in the way of bringing together two hopeful young people under the scared banner of marriage. Parents themselves could use a little advice.
Mom and Dad, in the wake of broken marriages, infidelity and sky high divorce rates it is painfully obvious that maintaining a successful marriage is an incredible challenge. But did anyone say it wouldn't be? There is a reason that marriage is half our deen. Nothing worth having ever is easy. Sound familiar? It should because you taught it to us. We understand all the principles and warnings you gave. But you parents should understand your children don't need another road block impeding our way to a successful marriage. Have realistic expectations. Materialism has it's place and boundary. Money can't buy love and certainly doesn't ensure happiness. Be careful of the message you're sending to the potential candidate. They are likewise trying to get an idea of your moral and spiritual lifestyle as you are theirs. Also, be mindful of harsh assumptions and judgment. Suspicion can cause an unnecessary rift between parties. Trust in yourselves and what you've instilled in your children. Know that whatever error your children make they will always find their way back to clear pastures due to your guardianship and wisdom, God willing. Have faith in the excellent job you did in raising your children. Be sure to give the opportunity, in all fairness, for your children to show you that they are capable of handling this beautiful challenge. Take care not to discourage your children from marrying in any way as marriage is the best protection. Be reminded that your children are under your advice and are obligated to honor you. However, this religion has checks and balances- even in regards to your rights over your children. Children can still marry a righteous man or woman without your express approval. It would be best for all parties involved to communicate and come to the best solutions for the young couple seeking to marry.
The young grow old trying to satisfy the longing for a meager four letter word. The old grow impatient from failed attempts at love. If you feel that you've found that perfect someone, “hold on tight if you think you're right. Because nothing hurts as bad as when you see you gave up too easily.” There's love out there waiting to blossom. Longevity in marriage is a challenge but not an impossibility. It's easy to find grounds for divorce these days, the challenge is finding every reason possible to stay together. Celebrate the joy in simple things. Pursue marriage because Paradise awaits the woman who pleases her husband. She may enter from any gate! Likewise, Paradise is earned by the man who is kind and just to his wife.
“Never stop believing there could one day be a chance” for your happily ever after.